Not Anymore
by BaybePain
Summary: She couldn't keep doing this. She couldn't keep letting him shut her out and then forgive him later. She couldn't be his Baby Girl or best friend or late night comfort call. After such a cold dismissal she couldn't be his Penelope. Not anymore.
1. Chapter 1

_Francis Bacon once said, "We read that we ought to forgive our enemies; but we do not read that we ought to forgive our friends." _

One corner of Penelope Garcia's mouth turned up at the truth in those words. That truth rang so clearly in her life, especially now. She vaguely remembered her mother before her death, always telling her to forgive her enemies and look to God for answers. She had never once heard or even read that sometimes it would be her friends she would have to forgive. To be honest, Garcia never would have thought that that situation would come. Unfortunately-but unsurprising in hindsight- that time was now.

She really should have seen it coming; the rip that had settled itself in her heart and in her life. For _awhile_, she allowed herself to believe it was because of stress. That this absence in friendship was on hold because of her past relationship with Lynch. However, the moment Derek Morgan dismissed her advice and dismissed _her_ she knew this was the inevitable conclusion to their friendship. It was over and once again, by another man's choice.

As she leaned on to her desk with her eyes pressed into her hands, she forced back the tears. How could he push her so far out of his life so fast? She didn't want to believe it was her fault, but the weak, lonely part of her told her it was. She had once promised herself that she would never let someone come so close as to wound her on this level, but when she met Derek, that all changed. Now, she realized as she sat alone in her dim office, that she had made a mistake.

"_If he wants to be with Tamara Barnes that's fine,"_ Garcia told herself as she stood up to leave her godforsaken office. He had made it very clear that she was not wanted or needed in his life anymore.

"_If this is what you want, Derek. I won't be part of your life."_

_"Not anymore."  
_

...

Derek Morgan's eyes immediately latched onto Garcia's departing figure, as they always did when she entered the room. She was angry with him and he knew it, but there was nothing he believed he could or wanted to do to change that. It just wasn't the same anymore between them. And on days like this when a case was just closed and he was tired as get out, he didn't care either. Well, not enough to do anything about it.

His baby girl wasn't his anymore. They both would just have to accept that.

Even as Morgan thought this truth to himself, he couldn't pull his eyes away from her as she walked out of the glass door.

...

"I need a drink." Garcia told herself as she drove quietly down the lit up streets of her home.

She needed something to her mind off of things and after all, she doubt the team would need her bright and early tomorrow anyway unless there was an emergency. _"Might as well have some menial amounts of fun." _

Without another thought she took a left, heading straight to the bar where the team used to frequent after a case. They rarely did that anymore... She guessed the cases were just too hard on them.

The place was loud, even for its standards, and for a moment Garcia wanted to bolt and just go back home and too bed. _Yeah, too what Garcia? The only thing you got waiting for you in that bed are your nightmares._ She reminded herself coolly, before resolutely strutting to the bar to get a drink.

"Garcia?"

She turned around, immediately frowning in confusion as she saw the whole team there, even Morgan who she refused to look at. With a sick feeling she realized that they still came here, just not with her.

She allowed herself to give a closed lipped smile at Emily, who had approached her and was even a little bit amused at the agent's slightly confused reaction.

"Uhh... What are you doing here?" Emily asked as she came closer to her.

Garcia wanted to smack her. What does she what was she doing here? Getting a drink and trying to forget about her life! That's what!

"I just came to get a few drinks. Hook up and go home." She replied with an air of nonchalance she could have never pulled off on a regular day.

Emily nodded as if it was a dumb question to ask. Which, it was. She pointed over to her table, where the team waved at her.

"Do you... want to join us?" Emily asked and Garcia immediately shook her head.

"No thanks. I don't want to intrude on you all's after hours time. Thanks for asking though." Garcia replied and her amusement deepened when a look of shock came over Emily's face.

For a moment she could see that Emily realized the double meaning in her words and she had the grace to look apologetic.

"I'm sorry Garcia, we didn't mean to offend you-"

Garcia chuckled, knowing that they probably didn't, "No worries. I'm fine. Seriously, go hang out with the team, I'll see you at work tomorrow."

Without another word she turned her back on Emily and went straight to the bar. She was tired and if she didn't get some alcohol into her soon, she might really start having a mental breakdown.

...

Morgan watched as Emily returned with the epitome of bewilderment scrawled all over her face. He wondered what Garcia had said to make her look this way and he also wondered why she wasn't coming over here like she usually did.

When Emily sat down she just looked at the rest of the team in silence before saying, "She said she didn't want to come over here."

"What? Garcia always hangs out with us after hours." Reid said with confusion lacing his voice. "Was she angry?"

Emily shook her head, "Not that I could tell... I mean she was acting a little cold, but it was hard for me to read her... Does anyone know what is going on with her?" She asked and was only returned with a few shrugs.

"Maybe she's just tired." JJ said, but Morgan didn't think that was it.

"She seemed like she was offended though." Emily replied with a shake of her head. "When she saw me I swear she looked hurt for a moment. Then she just said she didn't want to intrude on our "after hours" time, but thanks for asking."

Reid scowled and shook his head in clear disagreement, his brown eyes darkening with frustration. "What? Garcia isn't an intruder! She's part of the team."

"Well, I don't think she feels that way anymore, unfortunately." Rossi finally said with a tinge of remorse in his face.

"Oh come on, Rossi." Morgan spoke up with an edge of annoyance to his voice. "This isn't high school where the popular group purposely excludes someone. She's just a part of this team as all of us and if she doesn't want to hang out with us, fine. No reason to let it ruin our night."

For a moment the team fell silent as they took in the sharpness of his words. Never had they heard Morgan talk about Garcia like this.

"What?" He asked as they all just stared at him.

Finally, it was Rossi who broke the awkward silence. "Garcia doesn't have much longer here on this team. She'll quit by the end of the month if things don't change."

That was enough, Morgan had had it. Garcia was not going to quit and she was not going to ruin his night. He ignored the team as he stalked over to the bar to have a few words with his employee.

...

Up until he had approached her night was going better than expected. The bartender was a huge ship of deliciousness and he was flirting with her. She flirted back, shamelessly and proudly. Even if her heart lay in pieces in Morgan's office, Penelope Garcia knew how to flirt. Her drinks were good and for once her chronic headache was disappearing.

But the moment she saw a shadow over the bar and the narrowing of the bartender's eyes she knew that she was not getting any tonight and her headache had just returned.

And boy did he look pissed.


	2. Chapter 2

"Can we have minute?" Garcia asked the bartender in a way that clearly meant he wasn't asking.

The bartender nodded his head respectfully and turned his gaze to Garcia. "No problem. I guess I really should go pay attention to the customers. I have your number Miss Penelope." He added with a sly grin on his face. "I'll call you."

Penelope blushed, never before had a man acted this way towards her with Morgan in front her, usually they just scampered off, but not this one. She loved it. "I hope so, sugar."

He chuckled. "It's Jake, but sugar works just fine. " He replied and walked away, still holding that sly grin on his face.

Penelope sighed and then turned to face her headache.

"Agent Morgan, what do you need from me that is so important you have to ruin my chance on getting a piece of that-" she nodded toward the bartender. "honey over there? "

"You'll be fine. I'm sure he'll have another woman to sweet talk in a few minutes." He regretted the words as soon as he said them because Garcia had thrown up her walls and her eyes hardened.

She took a sip of her drink, glad it was strong. "Not everyone is you, Derek." His name burned her throat as she said it, but she wanted to get that insult across.

He took a deep breath, trying to tamp down his anger. This was not getting him anywhere. "Garcia. I just want to know that's got you so cold the rest of my team can't seem to enjoy themselves anymore. You care to explain that?"

She snorted and looked away from the chocolate eyes she had so fallen in love with. "Oh my. I'm so sorry I'm ruining _your_ team's night. "She bit off, wishing she could just haul her fist into his face. "Tell them I sincerely apologize and next time I will call ahead to let them know which bar I got to so we won't have to run in to each other so awkwardly."

"Goddammit. That is not what I meant and you know it." He retorted, staring down at her now with rage clearly in his eyes.

She stepped up to him, if she was taller they would have been nose to nose. "Oh yeah? Then what did you mean?"

When he said nothing she rewarded him with an icy smile. "Admit it. The fact that I'm not over there pretending like everything is okay gets to you. The fact that I'm not over there playing nice and letting your conscious get off scott free bothers you."

"Woman, you have no idea what you're talking about." He said fiercely. "If this is about what I said to you about Tamara, fine. Act like a child, but in the end it doesn't change anything. It's none of your damn business and you need to stop taking it out on everyone."

She didn't realize that she smacked him until a dead quiet fell on the small bar and her hand stung. For a few moments she shook with rage, not even feeling the stinging of her palm. Her heart was pounding in her ears and the look of utmost shock on his face did nothing to calm her.

"Go to hell, Agent Morgan." Was all she could manage to say as she pushed past him and out of the bar.

...

"Holy shit. Did she just slap him?" JJ asked in shock, as were the rest of the team.

Standing up she was about to approach them when Rossi grabbed her wrist and shook his head at her.

"It won't do them any good JJ. I knew the moment he got up, that Morgan was going to cross a line with Garcia." He said and gently tugged the blonde back into her seat.

They watched in silence as Garcia stormed out and Morgan stood stock still, a hand still pressed to his cheek.

He sighed. "Unfortunately, I believe this is the breaking point for Garcia. Her time with us... with Morgan... is over."

His ominous words had the rest of the team looking down in shame, confusion, sadness. Each pondered their own contribution to the rift that hurt the team. All hoped Morgan would gather his senses and when he did leave the bar a few seconds later, prayed he would do the right thing and win Penelope back.

...

_She slapped him. _That was all he could think of as he ran out the bar to chase after her. Never in his life would he have ever expected for his Baby Girl to slap him out of rage. Guilt settled inside of him as he saw her retreating figure and his shock wore off slowly. Again he had said something completely uncalled for to her. Derek never wanted to hurt Penelope, ever. He had promised to be there for her when she needed him and now the only thing he has ever done was push her away and beat her down.

"Penelope!" He called after her, heart pounding in his chest and the fear of letting her go with this memory making him sweat.

She whipped around and froze when she saw him, but then she shook her head and got into her car. It was obvious she didn't want to have anything to do with her former Noir hero. Still, he ran to her and when she pulled out to whip away he banged on her window, willing her stop.

"Penelope wait! Wait, please I'm sorry!" It was futile she just rubbed away tears and moved her car into drive. "Baby girl, just give me a minute!"

It didn't matter though. She hit the gas and with one last hit to her trunk she was gone. Away from Derek. Away from everything. And Derek Morgan could do nothing to stop it.

...

On the drive home she cried. The hot tears blurred her vision and the world around her. The pain that was radiating inside her threatened to pull her apart. She had never felt so hurt, so humiliated in her entire life... especially when it was by someone she loved. She wiped furiously at her tears, but it was no use. They continued to fall on her cheeks and run down her face until she was forced to pull over on the side of the road.

She laid her head on her Mickey Mouse steering wheel and sobbed. She cried because the man she loved broke her heart. She cried because the man she loved didn't even care for her. She cried because the man she loved didn't even care that he did so. She cried because she had let him to do it. But what Penelope Garcia cried for the most was the fact that when he was pounding on her window, begging her to stop, she had wanted to. She had wanted to stop and let him back in. She still wanted to.

...

**Thanks for the reviews! This one might be a fast one because I'm so into it. I'll have the next chapter up soon, I promise.**


	3. Chapter 3

"_Hey there cupcake! You have reached Penelope Garcia. I'm sorry I can't get to your call, but there is only so much Goddesses can do in a day!"_

Again, he slammed down his phone. He called her three times today and she still hadn't picked up. True, they didn't have to go into work until Monday and there was no emergency case, but he had to know what was going on with her. He had to apologize.

Morgan reached for his phone again to dial her number, but it began to ring. Frantically he answered, praying it was Garcia.

"Garcia?"

There was a tense pause until finally his caller spoke.

"No, this is Tamara." The strain in her voice made Morgan curse himself.

"Oh, Hey Tamara." He corrected, forcing lightness into his voice. Fake.

"Are you expecting a call?" She asked coolly. Normally the jealously Morgan heard in her voice-or any other of his women for that matter- made him smile in pleasure.... not this time.

"No." He answered, refusing to admit that he was really just hoping for one. "What do you need?" He asked quickly, willing Tamara to ignore his edginess and just get to the point.

Another brief pause before she started in with a softer voice. "Well, we haven't been able to see much of each other over the past couple of days and since you have a weekend off, I was thinking we could go out." There was a blatant question in that statement. One Morgan knew particularly well when he was reaching an end to a relationship.

"_Do you still want me?"_ Good Lord, did he hate that question.

"We don't have to go anyplace expensive or anything," Tamara interjected when all he gave was silence.

He frowned. He didn't want to do this right now. He didn't want to have to juggle his relationship with Tamara with his work and Penelope right now. A corner of his mouth turned up as he realized that this was what Garcia had meant. What he was doing with Tamara in his search for normalcy would only make things more difficult for him.

"Derek?" This time as she interrupted his thoughts, he clearly heard the annoyance she was feeling.

"Yeah, I'm here. Sorry, I'm just thinking about some issues of mine at work." He explained to her, while trying to figure out a way to get out of this mess.

"Oh." The tone in her voice changed to concerned, "Do you want to talk about it over dinner?"

Derek rolled his eyes, that was exactly what he needed to do with Tamara. Talk about his issues with Garcia and work with her. He could imagine how that would go. He groaned inwardly at the image and refocused. Dinner. With Tamara. It's not like he didn't like her, he did. She was beautiful, classy, charming, and..... normal. Just what he had wanted in a woman... well, that's what he had thought until Penelope hauled her hand across his face. He still couldn't believe she had done that.

"uhhh..." he struggled to focus on the woman on the phone. "Sure. We need to talk anyway, it's been a rough couple of days."

"Okay, that's great. Do you want me to come to you?" She asked and Morgan took a cursory glance around his home.

To be honest it was a mess. His picture frames were strewn across the floor after he knocked them down last night in a frustrated rage. His clothes were lying around the couch after he threw them off and he didn't even want to glance into the kitchen or his bedroom. They were probably a mess too. He had no time to pay attention to him home.

"No...Let's just meet at that nice restaurant you like." Derek suggested even though he had no idea which one he was talking about, shuddering as he imagined Tamara's horrified reaction that he knew she would have if she came to his house.

"Oh, my favorite. Tonight at 8?"

Derek frowned, too soon. "How about tomorrow night? I have some things I have to take care of."

Tamara's voice held disappointment as she agreed on the time and then hung up. No good bye, I love you, or I hope you feel better was exchanged. Derek rubbed his eyes... and glanced at the clock. 3:30 it said, which meant that Penelope would indeed be home watching her favorite soaps. He smiled as he visualized her in her Mickey Mouse pajamas, holding her favorite ice cream flavor of the week, and tearing up at the scenes on the TV. Penelope could be a sap whenever her soaps were on. He would always have to cuddle with her and remind her it was just a show and that these ridiculous things didn't happen in real life.

"_Pen, you do realize that this horrible show you are watching is fake right?" He asked her as she began to tear up again as the doctor and his girlfriend was breaking up over the fact that she had a secret child with his brother. _

_She sniffled a little and batted his arm, wearing her signature pout. "Stop being such a killjoy Derek." She chastised. _

_He smoothed the skin of her arm with his thumb, a careless caress he had become accustomed to. "No offense baby girl, but uh... this show can kill the joy all by itself." _

_This time Penelope cracked a smile at him and his heart warmed. Derek always preferred Penelope smiling, easygoing, and in his lap as she was then._

"_You know handsome, one day you are gonna crack on my soaps and I," she took a pause and inched a little closer to him, her subtle scent making Derek force back a groan. "will have to do something we might regret."_

_He stared up at her with a feral need building in this chest. Penelope and him had had moments similar to this before, but she had never been this close, this hot... this alluring to him before. The thought made his brown eyes narrow as took control and inched his body until he dominated her space. He wasn't even ashamed to admit that he enjoyed the sudden surprise in her expression._

"_Oh yeah momma?" he whispered, not able to tamp down the heat he felt for her to play it cool. "And what would that be?"_

_For a moment she was silent, her warm brown eyes just gazing into his, and Derek saw a glimpse into Penelope. She wanted him alright, but for some reason there was pain in that expression. Pain he didn't understand. His hand reached up to cradle her cheek and was unsurprised when she rose to the challenge and gently pressed her lips to his ear._

"_I'm going to make you watch the Marine again." _

_She pulled back just in time to see Derek's face scrunch in displeasure. He absolutely hated that movie, and he hated John Cena. Derek scowled at her and pulled back a little in shock._

"_You would do something that horrible to me, Pen?" He asked in mock astonishment, knowing very well it was the least of the horrible things she could do to him._

_She chuckled and relaxed in his arms again, seeing no need to reassert her actions with Derek. They understood each other._

"_But really, Pen," Derek began again and she hid her smile in his chest. "Why do you watch things that make you sad?"_

_She sighed, wondering how to phrase this correctly and without giving too much away. After a moment she rolled her eyes at the realization she was never eloquent, so she might as well speak what she felt._

"_Even if things never have a chance of being real, that doesn't mean they can't still affect how a person feels."_

Even now Derek was taken aback at her words. He wondered if it was really the soap that Pen was talking about then, or her own yearnings. Penelope was a strong woman, he knew, but she could also be hurt easily. Derek Morgan sighed again and let his head rest on the wall and rubbed a hand over his face. His life was turning into a mess, and he knew of no way to fix it with Penelope. She would usually forgive whoever hurt her with ease, but he knew that she never forgot the mistreatment of anyone. Penelope did not forgive and forget, but forgave and learned... and if need be, she moved on.

He dialed her number again, hoping he could avoid that very thing.

....

Penelope blithely let her phone ring again as she allowed herself to be absorbed in the Tank Girl movie. A mix of steam punk, comic books, amusing sex, and a desert Earth with a psycho ruler who wanted to control all of the leftover water sources made her forget her issues... Well, it would if her phone would stop ringing for once. She had a feeling that it was Morgan, but she didn't- couldn't- talk to him in her state. She was too upset and too hurt to take the emotional beating she was sure he had prepared for her. God, he might fire her over her behavior. The thought of being kicked out of her position made her shiver, but it still wasn't enough to get her ass up and talk to the man.

"_Hey there cupcake! You have reached Penelope Garcia. I'm sorry I can't get to your call, but there is only so much Goddesses can do in a day!"_

She still smiled whenever she heard her answering machine because it was Derek who she would always be addressing. Speaking of Derek...

"Garcia, I know you're there watching Tank Girl," he began with a soft, yet noticeably strained, laugh. "I also know you're really mad at me-"

"No kidding jerk." She cut in.

"and for that I'm sorry." For once Penelope could hear actual sincerity in his voice, and it made her chest ache.

"Last night was uncalled for and I wish you would answer the phone so we could at least talk-"

"Fat chance of that, buster." She interjected again at the machine.

Another chuckle as Derek paused. "I know, fat chance of that happening." What on earth, could this man _hear _her or something, she thought to herself.

But no, that was not it. He just knew her that well.

" I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry and I hope we can settle our differences. Call me as soon as you stop saying mean things to the machine."

With a soft click that resonated in her head, Derek Morgan hang up and left Garcia to contemplate the pros and cons of talking to him again. She leaned her head against her drawn up kneed and sighed. Her life had become such a train wreck so fast. First she was shot. Then she hooked up with Lynch, and Derek pulled away from her. Then he was almost killed, and her relationship with Lynch hit the rocks. Finally her and Morgan had fought over his relationship with Tamara Barnes and... and now she was all alone again. With no one she could trust or confide in. Last night at the bar had confirmed that, and for once she recognized that her chances of being happy in this place were becoming nonexistent.

Which is exactly why she got up from watching her Tank Girl movie and made a beeline for her phone.


	4. Chapter 4

Tamara was already seated at a small table in the corner when Derek arrived. He strode in silently, holding the door open briefly for a small child who flitted past him. She heard the little blonde girl thank him, and Tamara saw the way Derek smiled in return. He had been doing that a lot lately. Whenever a small child, or baby was around he would give them his full attention. It made her heart warm, and cheeks heat whenever she thought of Derek Morgan. On one side he would be the caring, flirty, sweetheart she had grown to care for. On another he was the dangerous FBI agent, who had risked his job to make sure she was okay.

But lately she had become more familiar with a different side of Derek, one where he was reined in and solemn. She knew as he spotted her in the corner and gave her a small smile, that he would be that way now.

She stood to greet him and her smile stiffened slightly at the impersonal kiss he placed on her cheek. Ignoring it she sat with a smile and motioned for him to as well.

"I'm glad you could make it," she began, "we've spent so little time together I was beginning to think you would forget about me." She teased him in hopes of bringing a smile from him.

She succeeded...barely. He only gave her a polite smile, a smile that was expected from him. Why was he being this way toward her?

"With all the things going on right now, I wouldn't be surprised if I did forget a few things." He admitted quietly, his eyes rooting into the writing on the menu.

The sudden tension was interrupted by a cheery faced waitress, with an untrained smile on her face. "Hi. I'm Penny, and I will be your waitress tonight." She said briskly as she tossed her blonde hair over her shoulders as she reached for her notepad. She looked back up at them, her big brown eyes assessing them. "What can I get you all to drink tonight?"

"Draft if you have it." Derek answered immediately, his eyes fixed on their chubby, cheery waitress.

She smiled and scribbled that down on her notepad, as if it was the most important order at that moment. Penny then turned to Tamara, an equally bright smile on her face.

"And you ma'am?"

"Water is fine for right now." Tamara replied, and Morgan looked up at the dismissive tone in her voice as she addressed Penny.

He frowned and turned to a less bright Penny. "Thank you Penny." He said and she smiled in relief, it was obvious then she was new to her job. "Is Penny short for something?" he asked in order to put her a little more at ease.

She smiled and nodded, "It's short for my last name Penitent. My first name is Sheryl- ugh," she explained with a scowl on her face that made Morgan chuckle. "So instead of being known by that, I just went by Penny."

Morgan nodded and smiled. "Well Penny, thank you again. You're doing a good job."

She blushed with a appreciation and with a flustered thanks she flitted off to get their drinks. Derek chuckled again, thinking of how she resembled Penelope in that department. Suddenly Tamara cleared her throat, interrupting Morgan's musings.

"Well," she said with an obvious edge to her voice, "she was quite the chatterbox."

Morgan nodded, but his amiable smile remained. "It's alright. She's just nervous and giving her something to talk about seemed like the best way to soothe her."

"And why is it that you always seem more concern with the feelings of strangers more than your own girlfriend." The sharpness in her voice made him frown and stare at her.

"I care about your feelings. Why else would I be with you if I didn't?" He shot back and she shrugged.

"I have no idea. Especially since getting you to even say you love is me is like pulling teeth." She replied haughtily and folded her arms across her chest. "Now I do love you Morgan, but I feel like something is keeping you from me. I don't want to be another job to you dammit."

He took a deep breath and stared out the window at the street lamps, thinking. In truth, she had become a job to him, and the feelings he had for her in the beginning were fading fast, especially since Garcia...

"Tamara," He began with a sigh, and he rubbed his eyes from exhaustion. Her stomach began to sink because she knew that tone... She knew what it meant. "I don't think-"

"I want to get married." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself, but as soon as they were, she knew they were true. She didn't want to give Derek up. He was the man who saved her, and picked her up after her brother's death. What would she do without him?

"I want to get married to you." She repeated when he said nothing.

Derek shook his head and frowned. "You want to get married, but you're scolding me about treating you like a job. What kind of sense does that make?" He asked, clearly avoiding the indirect question.

She reached across the table to hold his hand and a plea entered her eyes. "Derek, I do love you, and I know we can work this out. If you want, we can have a long engagement to work out the kinks. I don't want to lose you Derek. I love you."

For a long time, Derek Morgan sat silent, considering her words and weighing it with the other issues in his life. A part of him wanted to end it with her right at that moment. He didn't want to be married to her. He didn't love her, and he knew it was just a ploy to keep him tied down to her. However, the larger part of him was broken over Garcia's separation, and it was in need of a new relationship to substitute for it. As Morgan again looked at Tamara Barnes, he was unable to the woman of his dreams, just a substitute. And so, he raised his voice to answer her.

...

**I know this is short, but I knew this scene had to be its own chapters so you all could focus on what's happening between Tamara and Derek. I'm sorry I haven't updated in awhile, but I knew I just had to get this scene out. Especially since I just saw the episode where he meets Tamara (GRRRRRR). Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this Derek centered chapter and I promise the next one will be much longer... and yes, you will find out who Penelope REALLY dialed. Have a great day!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry I haven't updated folks, there are really no excuses to give that would be suitable to your liking, so I will spare you the melodrama. I was having trouble making up a case as a back plot to the story, but now since the episode "Exit Wounds" aired last Wednesday, I have received the perfect inspiration! Which leads me to another thing, I do not know if I had established the time setting but to clear things up, this is obviously after Haley is dead, but I decided to keep Morgan running the team and Lynch... well I killed him and stuffed his nerdy body in truck somewhere. **

**I should just warn people that my stories are slow coming out, and I'm fully aware if I was a real author, my publisher and readers would have already fired me. Well here is a long one for you, not counting this I hope it too be around 3000 words...maybe more, which is why I'm trying to make my Author's Note 200 exactly... Right now I'm only at 179. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or the characters/plot. (I would love to own Morgan for a day though, Yum!)**

**...**

Early Monday morning, before the first rays of the sun made an appearance, the team members filtered into the BAU. It had been a long weekend, but despite that no one seemed rested. After Friday night, each member spent their weekend with a nagging voice in their minds—their conscious maybe?—that replayed the scene in the bar. That one incident haunted them like the edge of dark clouds on the horizon the blue sky.

Reid was first to arrive, with JJ immediately following. They shared a brief nod of acknowledgement before settling into their own tasks. Prentiss next, her eyes dull with grogginess. She settled in next to Reid and it was obvious to him immediately that she had something she needed to say. Raising his eyes from the meaningless files on his desk he looked at her. He noted the circles under her eyes and the anxiety lines around her mouth, eyes and forehead. Yes, he thought as she looked at him uncertainly, something was wrong.

"Are you alright, Prentiss?" The question was simple enough, and the best bet to use if he needed to coax something out of his teammate.

She glanced away from him then back at him and shrugged. He stayed quiet, knowing by the deepening of the frown lines she would speak. He wasn't wrong.

"I just keep thinking about Friday night...about Morgan and Garcia." She said quietly, scanning the room quickly to make sure neither of the spoken two was there.

Reid nodded. "Yes, me too." He frowned, knowing that wasn't what he meant. "Well, it wasn't really that. It was the implications of it... When Garcia slapped Morgan... I realized how different we had all become as a team, and it's possible that we aren't as functional as we were before because of it." He cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable with his confession.

Emily nodded though, understanding immediately. She agreed. It really did have serious implications on the behavior of all the team members. It wasn't as if anybody saw such a fissure coming, not even Morgan. She wondered how long she had ignored the changes in their relationship as well as the changes between her and Garcia.

"I can't help but think it's my fault..." Emily whispered, verbalizing her thoughts. She met Reid's scowling expression and blinked in confusion. "What?"

He just shook his head. "It isn't your fault for what happened between Morgan and Garcia... that's really between those two-"

"Oh no Reid." She interjected with a firm shake of her head. "Not her and Morgan. Me and Garcia. I can't help but thinking she and I have grown distant a little and it's my fault." Emily paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts so Reid might understand what she meant. "I feel like I've been ignoring Garcia a little bit. We used to hang out more often and be a bit friendlier on cases, but it's different now. She just does her job, and it disturbs me to think I played a part in that withdrawal."

Before Reid could respond with similar thoughts, Rossi and Hotch walked into the bullpen with weary expressions. It seems like their weekend did not turn out as restful as they wanted either. Though Hotch was not present at the bar on Friday night, Reid still wondered if he looked grave because he heard of the incident from Rossi or Jack kept him up late last night. Maybe even both.

The two agents nodded their greetings to the team and Hotch immediately stopped by JJ's office.

"Please tell me I can go lie on the couch for another two hours because we have no work to do?" He asked with a hint of a smile, foregoing the morning welcoming.

JJ grinned and shook her head at the man she still considered her boss, even though he never really was. "Nothing's been sent to me and Morgan hasn't come yet."

Hotch frowned, Morgan was usually the first one here, very rarely the last. He almost wondered about how his unit chief spent his weekend, before remembering it was Morgan.

"Is Garcia here yet?" Hotch asked and JJ visibly stiffened in hesitation before shaking her head.

It was enough to have Hotch asking but he thought better of it. If something was wrong with Garcia she would have called and made up an excuse to see Jack. With a nod of thanks, Hotch went into his office, aware but not acknowledge the tension of the three members of the team in the bullpen.

Rossi looked from Aaron's retreating figure to his two younger team members. He could sense they had been talking about Garcia and Morgan from the lines etched into their faces. He wished he could just tell them the team would stay together, but he believed otherwise. Garcia would never have laid a hand on Morgan if the relationship between the two was already tenuous. It was a sad thing for Rossi to see the beginning of the end of a team, but he had seen it before.

Morgan's entrance interrupted his musings, and he turned his gaze to the unit chief, unsurprised at what he found. Morgan's eyes were tired, his face gaunt, and jaw set hard. He was obviously in need of something to focus on beside his personal life. The grim thought made Rossi himself chuckle, because in the end they all needed that.

...

Garcia finally entered the office, avoiding the bullpen and heading straight for her cozy computer haven. Well, it wasn't too much of a haven now with the gory images of victims. She had stopped playing the games that helped ease her tension as well too. Ever since Sir Kneighf hacked into her system she had put an immediate stop to everything that allowed an opening into her systems. She solely relied on her comics and old movies to keep her sane, though lately those too weren't enough to keep her nightmares away.

It was for that reason that she knew she had to leave the BAU. Her biggest fear of losing herself was coming to fruition, especially with the loss of everything that used to make her happy. She missed her old self. The one who was outrageously fun and quirky and found the good things in every situation and though she discovered that she could not quit Uncle Sam, she was determined to transfer to some place where she didn't have to face the worst of humanity... Or men who broke her heart.

_-flashback-_

_Garcia headed to the phone immediately after Derek left his message. The weak part of her wanted to call him back so bad it was pathetic, but she refused to give in. The night at the bar had proven she needed a change from Derek, from the team, and from the BAU._

_For the first time since she was 20 she dialed the number of the men who trapped her. It was time Uncle Sam helped her for once. _

"_Penelope Garcia." A familiar masculine voice answered without bothering of a pretense of hello._

"_Sir. It's nice to know that you haven't been beat to death because of your attitude... yet." She added cooly._

_A deep chuckle was her only response before a brief silence fell between them._

"_You know Garcia... You haven't called me once since I caught you and forced you into doing Uncle Sam's duty. Even when you got shot." He said, his voice relatively neutral, but it didn't fool her. This man was dangerous and held her freedom in his pocket by his keys._

"_Are you offended your charms weren't enough to lure to you, sir?" She teased, imagining the smirk the older man would now have on his face._

"_Ha. You're too your for me sweet cheeks." This was a lie too, he was only 5 years her senior. "But that is besides my point. Your phone call has made me intensely curious Garcia. If you chose to forgo calling me when you were dying and being hunted, what is so horrifying that you would choose to call on me now?"_

_Garcia paused, knowing her next request was insane, but hoping this man would agree to negotiate._

"_I want out, sir. I want to go back to being a normal citizen. No cops, no murderers, none of it. I want out."_

_There was a brief pause and with it, Garcia's hopes rose._

"_Sure I'd let you out of working for Uncle Sam." He said and she wanted to shout in excitement, but held back as he began to speak again. "But then you would just be retained in a federal maximum security for the rest of your life and I don't think you really want that."_

_Her breath left her in a wave and she felt her knees weaken. Prison? She understood the reason for holding that over her head when she was caught but now? After all these years of service this man was still willing to send her to prison? And her sudden rage didn't stop her from telling him so._

_He chuckled again in response. "Do not be naïve. You are on a list that only a handful of other people in the world have made... and none of them made it as young as you. You have the ability to tap into any database on the planet given the time and I will not allow you roaming free to do so because you find your job too difficult to handle." His voice was steel now, clearly angry that she was arrogant enough to ask for her freedom. "No Garcia. There is no out. Consider the government your new mafia and the only way out is through prison or in a pine box."_

_For a long time there was only silence as Garcia fought her tears and rage._

"_I know what I'm asking is impossible, but I need to get out of the BAU. I'll do anything else."She whispered softly._

"_Garcia." She heard the sympathy in his voice and though it would have only made her angry before, the years of torture inflicted on her screens and her psyche tore that response away. "Garcia... Even if I wanted to I could not allow you to become a private citizen. The Secretary of Defense himself would not allow me to do so either. I can arrange for you to be transferred to a different agency, but that is the best I can do."_

_She breathed a sigh of relief and smiled. "Well sir, I believe this is the first time you have ever made me smile."_

"_Let's keep it that way." He said gruffly._

"_Yes sir." She said and was about to end the call when he interrupted her._

"_And Garcia? Consider this a favor."_

_That had her eyebrow shooting up. __**Damn I knew it wouldn't be free!**_

"_I would expect nothing less, sir."_

_-End of flashback-_

So she couldn't really get out of working for the government without prison, but at least she could still transfer to someplace else where her heart wouldn't be breaking for Derek Morgan.

...

_Garcia didn't call him back._ No, she had done something else all weekend... without Morgan and for the first time in awhile... it got under his skin. Entering work that morning was a helluva thing to do and something he didn't want to.

That night at the restaurant with Tamara had also put him on his ass. He didn't expect for his girlfriend to pop the question in the manner she did. Hell, he thought with a tired shake of his head, he didn't expect it at all. Tamara was the type of woman who expected to be proposed to, not to do the proposing herself.

He forced the thoughts of what happened that night out of his head as he entered his office without a word to any member of his team. Morgan didn't want to face the looks that each would wear; he was familiar with them already. Reid, would dawn the face that told he was trying to figure Morgan out. Hotch, if he had found out about the incident already would share the same silent rebuke that Prentiss would have. JJ, though she might be sympathetic would stare at him with the expectations of him fixing it in her eyes and Rossi... Rossi would not hide the fact that he saw it coming. That was something Morgan could definitely not handle. Not today. Not today. He silently prayed no case would work its way on his desk and that he would be stuck with paperwork by himself all day. Alone.

...

A knock on his door interrupted Morgan from his paperwork and he rose from his chair as Garcia walked in. The expression she wore on her face made his gut clench, and it was enough to briefly distract him from her new auburn red hair. With his body tense he stood, staring at the manila folder she slid on his desk.

He ignored it, suspecting what it contained and hating the thought. Instead, he stared at her hair and smiled. "You're hair looks gorgeous Garcia." His eyes traveled the length of her gently waved hair, and his fingers itched to touch them.

His statement was clearly not what she expected, and she blinked in confusion as he came around his desk, heat and remorse in his eyes.

Garcia nodded her thanks and cleared her throat. Motioning to the folder she just dropped on his desk she said, "Are you going to look at it?"

He frowned and shook his head. "Not in this life time, baby girl."

He watched as her brows drew together in a scowl and he wondered if it was because he used her nickname or because he refused to look in the folder. He smiled to himself and hoped it was both.

"I left a message on your answering machine, apologizing for Friday night. Did you get it?" He asked calmly. The question was superfluous, since they both knew that she had. Only Garcia was the only one aware of how many times she played it.

She was proud to find that her voice was steady when she made her reply. "Yes, I got it. I don't know why you felt the need to apologize for that. If anything, I expected you to demand an apology from me."

The agent cocked his head in confusion. "For what?"

"_**Is this man crazy?"**_ She thought to herself. _**"I slapped him for cupcake's sake."**_ She briefly wondered if that slap knocked something lose before the sound of Morgan stepping closer interrupted her.

"Garcia?" He prompted, knowing full well she was probably engrossed in a wacky thought. "Why would I want an apology?"

She rolled her eyes, impatient and wanting to leave the room. "Because I hit you."

He shrugged. "It's not a crime for a woman to knock man back in line, especially since I was clearly wrong to say what I did."

His dark eyes followed the creases in her forehead and he was amused that his apology had knocked the feisty woman off balance. _**Good**_, he thought. This conversation was clearly not heading in the direction she had thought.

Suddenly the door shot open and JJ stepped in with an alarmed expression. "Morgan we have a-" she stopped short at the sight Garcia and sent her a nervous smile. "Oh. Garcia."

"Hi JJ. Is something wrong?" Garcia asked before an awkward silence could fall.

JJ blinked and then shrugged. "I'm not sure, but uh... Hotch would like you to see you two."

Garcia smiled at the blonde liaison and nodded. "Of course, we'll be there in just a minute."

JJ nodded and looked at them for another moment before mumbling something incoherent and walking out.

"I wonder what Hotch wants to see us about..." Morgan mused aloud and Garcia rolled her eyes, finally letting her agitation show.

"Why wonder. He probably wants to see us about Friday night." She said and he frowned, silently questioning why Hotch would want to get involved.

Garcia turned her thoughts back to the folder on the desk. "My request for a transfer is in the folder-"

"Request denied." Morgan interrupted heading to the door.

Garcia spun toward him. "What do you mean denied?"

iI said. Your request for transfer off this team is denied. End of story. Now let's see what Hotch wants." He added, more of a demand than a request.

She glared into his dark eyes wanting to scream bloody murder and kick him. _**What is this man's problem?**_

He caught the way she glared at him and he shook his head. "Uh uh, baby girl. Don't you glare at me like that. The answer is no. This team needs you and we are NOT letting our personal issues—which we will solve—get in the way of that." His voice was hard as he reprimanded her and she was ready to punch him for it. As if she needed anymore of his hard words for a lifetime.

"I'm really starting to believe another slap in your arrogant face might help you out, Agent Morgan."

They were nose to nose when Morgan stepped up to her, refusing to let her dominate her will over his. The answer was no, whether she batted her beautiful eyes or her hand in his face.

"Do not make the mistake that I will let you hit me, Garcia. I was out of line before, but I am not now. If you hit me you'll end up fired and you know it."

He was taken aback as a sudden bitter smile crossed her lips. "As if you had the authority to do that, Chief Morgan."

With those words she stomped around him and out of the door, enjoying the deep confusion and surprise on his face. _**That was way better than slapping him.**_ She thought to herself as she went into Hotch's office.

**So how was it? Were you surprised about who and for what reason Garcia made that phone call or annoyed that you STILL DON'T KNOW what Morgan said to Tamara. Too bad! I was surprised about the phone call since I made it up about five seconds before I wrote it ****. Anyway, school is finally out for me and I will be able to focus more on my stories. This was pretty much the toughest update just because I needed a better setting just for the shit that's about to hit the fan next chapter. R&R!**


	6. Chapter 6

Morgan stormed after Garcia, prepared to snatch her back to him and fight in the middle of the BAU if that was what it took. Lucky for her she was already entering Hotch's office, a stormy look on her face that made Morgan stomp a little faster after her.

As he entered his Hotch's office, he was prepared to speak before Hotch beat him to it.

"Morgan. Glad you can join us. Sit." Though Hotch spoke in the usual form tone, the edge of anger made Morgan stop in his tracks and forget about his red headed issue.

Obediently he sat. Glancing at Garcia and taking note of the sudden paleness in her expression.

"What's this about?" He asked his former boss.

Hotch's dark eyes were stormy with anger. "There are two issues that I will address, both involve you two and your misconduct." Morgan's eyebrow rose at this, but he did not interrupt. "But we'll start with what's most important to this team." Then Hotch spoke the name that had Morgan in a whole different kind of turmoil. "Tamara Barnes."

He knew then that Hotch was aware that he was involved with Tamara. Morgan also deduced that if Hotch knew, that Strauss was probably aware and the shit was about to hit the fan.

"I know it was wrong, but we didn't get involved until after the case-"

"Don't give me that Morgan. You knew better than to involve yourself with her beyond the case."

Morgan clenched his fist, determined to defend himself. "It just happened! She wanted to be kept updated, and it led to something later, but only after the case was closed did I decide to pursue her." He reemphasized, but the look on Hotch's face told him he was not satisfied. "I know it was wrong and I'm sorry if it has brought any heat on this team, but my private life should not be the concern of the bureau."

"It is when the agent heading this team has an inappropriate relationship with a victim!" Hotch shot back, and then took a deep breath and reigned on his control. "What is the status of your situation now?" His tone clearly belied he was not to be denied this information.

Now Morgan visibly stiffened and both Hotch and Garcia knew he was still with her.

"She proposed to me over the weekend while we were at dinner." He said, forcing himself not to look at Garcia while he said this.

Garcia's gaze jerked to the floor, disbelief radiating through her core. She cursed the part of her that wanted to run out of the office and self-medicate with chocolate ice cream and sprinkles. That part of her didn't expect—no, prayed—that Morgan would have dropped Tamara a long time ago. The news that they were engaged shook her and... filled her with a cold fury. Not only was it directed at Derek, but at her foolish hoping.

"But I turned her down. Things between her and I are over." Those words had Garcia's gaze yanking up to Morgan's drawn face.

That pathetic part of her jumped with hope, but she stamped it down. This didn't change anything. Too much already was affected and she couldn't let herself hope for that fairy tale ending that would have presented itself in a perfect world. Too bad she didn't live in that world.

Hotch nodded, still unsatisfied. "Strauss wants to fire you for this, and it gives her the perfect ammunition to eliminate this team. The only thing I can do to stop that is to take back control of the team. However, I will not to do that unless I have your agreement and word that this type of situation will not occur again. You put the team in danger Morgan. Decide."

Morgan felt his hackles rise. He didn't enjoy the fact that he didn't have a choice. It was either this or nothing. His gaze flickered to Garcia, briefly noting her tense posture and refusal to look at him. Her knuckles were white with the strength behind that fist she made. That was his fault, and he knew then that he had to make things right.

He turned back to Hotch and nodded. "I accept the consequences for my actions. I'm sorry."

Hotch said nothing, his black eyes still tinged with anger. He then turned his gaze to Garcia.

"You knew about this?" He addressed her sharply.

She didn't look up, she just nodded. "Yes."

"As of when?"

"Near the end of the case I was made aware of Morgan's attentions towards Ms. Barnes."

"And you did nothing?"

She flinched and Morgan had the urge to smack someone. She was being interrogated for his mistakes.

She hesitated to answer and finally formulated her explanation. "No. I spoke with Morgan and explained to him the mindset of Ms. Barnes. As a victim she would be clinging to whatever or whoever she saw could save her from the trauma. A white knight so to speak." The trace of bitterness was not lost on either of the men. "I told agent Morgan that unless he was willing to see her through this all the way then he would be doing more damage than good."

Hotch looked at Morgan, intense curiosity replacing his anger. "And then?" He prompted, still staring at Morgan.

"He told me that it wasn't any of my business and I was crossing a line. My opinion wasn't needed." This time, she didn't bother hiding her emotions at that memory. She didn't care what these men thought.

Before Morgan could even open his mouth to speak, Garcia snapped at him.

"Save it. You were right. Your personal business was and is not my business."

Hotch sat back in his chair, suddenly reflective. Now, finally, he understood the tension that arose whenever these two were in the same room. Garcia and Morgan had always been close. They flirted and protected and loved each other, though neither understood just how deep. No, Hotch corrected himself as his eyes settled on Garcia's drawn face. Garcia knew now. It only took her best friend to push her away for another for her to finally understand. He would have laughed at Morgan's foolishness if the situation had not become so sad.

There was a fissure between the two since that day, and he realized that it had widened until it encompassed the whole team. Even he himself had felt the angst that settled between them, and it was only until now did he understood why. The entire team had taken Garcia for granted. Her smiles, fun personality, and quirky attitude were what helped guide them from the dark air of a case. If that disappeared, the team would slowly revert away from each other. They had become that dependent. Hotch made a decision then. He did not know if it would end in the final fracturing of this team or a new solidification, but he could not let this continue.

"Separating yourself from the team might be the right thing to do for you here, Garcia." Hotch said in the same, stern, controlled voice that was his signature.

Morgan's head whipped around, suddenly furious that Hotch would suggest she leave them. Leave him.

"Hotch. I don't plan on accepting Garcia's resignation letter and I'm not going to accept you turning her away. You can't penalize her for my mistakes." Garcia turned her gaze to Morgan, seeing the rage in his gaze. She truly didn't understand this man. He dismissed her to fraternize with another woman... and yet he still wanted to keep her around. For what? To glare at her when she didn't flirt? Like Hell.

"I think that would be best too. It can be arranged as soon as possible." Garcia said, determined to get out of here as fast as she could.

"Like hell!" Morgan shot, barely controlling his temper.

"You don't have a choice but to accept it. You aren't my handler." She shot back, fire in her eyes.

His eyes hardened, furious. "Excuse me? What do you mean I don't have a choice? And would someone explain to me what a handler is?"

"Garcia," Hotch interrupted. When he looked at her and she knew he knew the truth. About her deal with Uncle Sam. About Morgan. About everything. And he was about to ask her to expose that to him. The very last thing she wanted to do. "I know you want to fix this. I know you want to stop hurting and I know that you think being here, being a part of this team, won't help you."

Morgan's chest clenched at Hotch's words while his mind whorled in confusion. He turned his gaze to Garcia, who had averted her gaze but still had clenched fists. Did they really mess things up between them that bad?

"I can't tell you what will fix this; however, you need to be honest about this situation, to Morgan, and yourself. Starting now."

Garcia sighed, irate. She didn't need this. She didn't want this. All she wanted to do was transfer to a team that didn't have a man that would break her heart. She wanted a team that she could be part of, not just supplementing.

"Garcia." Morgan repeated her name, demanding his answer.

She turned to him again. "I can't quit. Nor can I be fired. That's part of the deal I made."

Morgan's dark brows drew together in a scowl. "What deal?" He repeated in confusion. Her sigh of irritation and the hesitancy in her gaze spoke volumes of her reluctance.

"When I was caught by the FBI, I told you they offered for me to work with them here...instead of going to prison." She explained and Derek nodded, remembering their conversation in the hospital. "The truth is...it was not an offer. It was blackmail. Either I work for the government or I go to prison for the rest of my life."

A sad smile tugged at her lips. "It sounds like the greatest deal a girl can get. It has its perks too." The bitter edge to her tone was unfamiliar to Morgan and it made his hands clench into fist before the desire to wrap her in the safety his arms could bring her.

"For one, I have my own special handler. Lucky for me, he's the man that caught me. The only person in this country at least who can out hack me is my warden and holds my freedom in his pocket next to his keys." She sighed and glanced briefly at Hotch, who nodded for her to continue. "The other bonus is I can't be fired. By anyone. Not you. Not Hotch. So that's a nice perk. However, the downside is... I can never quit or retire. There is no vacationing on the beaches in Hawaii...I am bound to Uncle Sam for the rest of my life."

"I don't understand... then why hand me the resignation papers?"

Garcia scowled. "I called my handler and asked if I could get out. He told me that he wouldn't allow me to walk free with my abilities. He would put me in a maximum security federal prison. The best he can do for me is a transfer, which is what those papers that you so blatantly ignored are." She explained and Morgan's frown got deeper.

"Transfer to where?"

Garcia looked back at Hotch. "As much as I would like to divulge the rest of my well kept secrets, I am not at liberty to say that. It works like the Witness Protection Program... wherever I am sent or transferred, I get new credentials and my contact information is wiped away. Telling you where I am sent would only mean that I am sent to someplace else."

Morgan froze, his entire body locking in place as he stared at the floor. Garcia wasn't just requesting to be transferred. She was asking him to let her go to a place where he would never see her again. To a place where they would have no movie nights or hot phone flirting. He shook his head in refusal. He wouldn't allow her to run from him now. She could scream and fight him all she wanted too, but he wouldn't let her do this. He was stepping down as chief, he didn't want this job anyway, but he was not going to let their friendship be ruined any further. His resolve set he turned to Garcia, barely registering the alarm in her eyes, as his voice rang with finality.

"No."

* * *

**All I have is one question for you all my dear readers. Was it worth the wait? **


	7. Chapter 7

**Previously on Not Anymore:**

**Garcia looked back at Hotch. "As much as I would like to divulge the rest of my well kept secrets, I am not at liberty to say that. It works like the Witness Protection Program... wherever I am sent or transferred, I get new credentials and my contact information is wiped away. Telling you where I am sent would only mean that I am sent to someplace else."**

**Morgan froze, his entire body locking in place as he stared at the floor. Garcia wasn't just requesting to be transferred. She was asking him to let her go to a place where he would never see her again. To a place where they would have no movie nights or hot phone flirting. He shook his head in refusal. He wouldn't allow her to run from him now. She could scream and fight him all she wanted too, but he wouldn't let her do this. He was stepping down as chief, he didn't want this job anyway, but he was not going to let their friendship be ruined any further. His resolve set he turned to Garcia, barely registering the alarm in her eyes, as his voice rang with finality. **

"**No."**

...

"No?" Garcia repeated. At first she thought she had heard him wrong or missed a piece of the conversation, but when she looked at the stark resolve reflected in his eyes, she knew he hadn't. "What do you mean no?"

Derek abruptly stood, jaw clenched. "Like I said. No. You're not transferring. I'd rather be fired from this position then step down and allow you to be whisked away to god knows where because you refuse to handle our personal issues."

Hurt slashed quick through Garcia, but so did rage. She stood as well and faced him. "I am not a coward Morgan. But that does not mean I'm going to stay where I'm compromised, which is what I would be doing if I stayed here."

Morgan shook his head, but otherwise ignored her and turned to Hotch. "I have no problems stepping down, but I won't if you accept her transfer papers."

Hotch settled back in his chair and sighed when he turned to Garcia. "I understand this has been difficult-"

"Difficult?" Garcia interrupted. "Difficult? You think being shut out from people who I consider my only family is difficult? You of all people should know what it's like to be separated from the people you love, sir. And that is exactly how it's been for me shut in that dark computer room, while the most horrifying images have filled the screens. I want out sir. I need to get out and go where I'm not going to lose myself."

Hotch shook his head, compassionate but unbending. "I am sorry Garcia. No one on this team has meant to isolate you, but it's happened. I understand your desire to leave and find a place where you can be happy, but Morgan is right. You are not the person to run from your problems or your family. I am willing to give you leave for a few days so you can think about what you want to do next, and I ask that in that time you not skip town. You are a crucial part of this team and family and no one here wants to lose you."

Garcia looked to Morgan, praying her anger and hurt wasn't reflecting in her face. Morgan held her gaze, not bothering to school his features. His mind was made up. He would fix the issues between Garcia and him even if he had to blackmail her emotions.

'So what do you say, Garcia?" He asked coolly. He was mad. She was mad. And SA Derek Morgan knew the best way to get Garcia to prove a man wrong, is to make her madder, which is why he couldn't hold back his next comment. "You can either stay and try and work this out like a big girl, or you can run away, split up this team and get me fired. No pressure."

...

"What a bastard!" Garcia shouted in the safety of her office. "What a manipulative, snide, god of an arrogant jerk!"

She wanted to kick something and after a quick glance around the room, she discovered that there was nothing cheap for her to do so with. Of course she agreed, dammit. She didn't have a choice. Morgan, manipulative agent that he was, deliberately formed the proposition so that if she left, he would be fired and it would be her fault. He knew her well enough to know she would not leave on such a note or carry around that kind of guilt. Grumbling a rare curse she plopped down in her chair, pleased that it could still distract her anger with its comfort. She closed her eyes and swung in a slow circle in her chair.

She had to admit, even if only to herself, that in a way Morgan was right. She was running away from the conflict. If Morgan had remained aloof and ignorant of their fracturing friendship, her actions would be different. However, he had declared his intentions and if she chose that transfer now she would be an even bigger coward. She sighed and stared at her phone. She would have to call and cancel her need for a transfer. Damned, that bastard was going to laugh at her or worse, make her owe him another favor just for the trouble.

As she was picking up the phone a knock sounded on her door. The door was locked so she had a brief second to debate over answering it or pretending she wasn't there.

"Garcia, I know you're in there. Open up please."

She groaned and went to the door, but didn't open it.

"Reid. If I told I was super busy and had no time to talk, would you believe me?" She asked hesitantly.

"No. We have no cases open and you are not working for another team. So you are not super busy. Now, please open the door. I have something for you."

She held back a sigh and opened the door for the young doctor. Of course he would have something to give her, probably a file full of horrible pictures or information about a new unsub. He wouldn't be here for any other reason, she thought coldly.

He gave only a small smile as he noted the gray shadows beneath her eyes. Her deep auburn hair contrasted with her skin, and though it made her even more striking, it made the shadows seem deeper.

"Hello, Garcia. How are you feeling?" He asked as he entered her small office.

Garcia looked at him, slightly bewildered. "Fine, thanks for asking. Where is the file?"

Now it was Reid's turn to look bewildered. He stared at her with a frown. "Who said anything about a file?"

"Oh. When you said you had something for me, I thought you meant a file." She explained quickly as she turned away from him.

"No. That's not what I'm here for." He handed her a box, and silently waited for her to open it.

She stared him for a moment, wishing she had the behavioral analyzing skills that the rest did. She turned her eyes to the box in her hand. Simple, long, about a 8 inches long and two inches wide. It was brown. After glancing up at him once more, in which he only offered that enigmatic smile, she opened the box.

In it was a needle.

She stared at Reid, not understanding this strange gift. "What is this, Reid?"

Reid nodded toward the needle. "That is the needle Tobias Henkle used to pump me full of drugs." He paused and then smiled at her again. "Would you like to take a walk with me, Garcia?"

Tentatively Garcia nodded.

...

They ended up at a small café a few blocks from their building. They had not spoken the whole way, though Garcia had spent most of the time glancing from Reid to the needle. When they had reached their table, Garcia's patience had run short.

"Alright. Reid. Tell me what this is about. Why this needle?"

Reid opened the box and looked at it. "Tobias Henkle, or rather his alter-ego father, tortured me through beatings, intimidation, and drugs. He pumped me with drugs that were highly addictive. When Tobias was killed. I was asked to be left alone with his body for a moment." He paused then as a waitress came and took there order.

When she left, Reid was still silent, a haunted look in his eyes.

"Reid, what happened when you were alone with the body?" Garcia whispered and she was gifted again with a smile, this time it was shaky and trembling.

"I searched his body in order to find the drugs. Then when I did, I stole them and used them. This needle was an agent in my near ruin. I became a drug addict and a habitual user. I'm sure most of the team already knows about my addiction, but I wanted to talk to you about it personally."

For a moment, Garcia was stunned. Reid had been an addict. He stole drugs off a corpse for god's sake, and who is to say that he wasn't still using. Reid must have caught the turn of her thoughts because he shook his head.

"Garcia. I am no longer using, but I am still an addict. I can't go to hospitals or establishments for fear of me robbing them for drugs. I can't take pills when I have a headache. Do you remember that time I was dusted with anthrax?" He asked her.

She nodded; it was a scary period for them. She had thought Reid was going to die. There was no cure available at the time and she was sick with worry.

"Well, I was in extreme pain. The CDC agent offered me pain medication, to keep me comfortable she said, and I refused. I knew that if I took it, I would go back to that needle," he nodded to the killer in the box, "and I would lose the battle this time."

Garcia's eyes softened toward Reid. She felt guilty for being so callous to him before. His confession reminded her that she was not the only one on the team with painful battles. Those battles might be the cause for the growing neglect, not malicious negligence.

"Reid, I'm sorry. I didn't realize how difficult it must have been." She whispered, chastised.

Reid shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I don't talk about it much. Anyway, the reason I'm telling you all this is because... when I was using and then when I was dying from anthrax, I felt isolated. I felt that no one from the team, or anyone else for that matter, could save me, and I was going to die." Reid paused and stared at the wide eyed Garcia for a long moment, searching and sifting through memories of her. "I realize that you are not considering death itself, but you do feel isolated. I'm sorry Garcia, and at this point, I don't know if there is anything I can do to make you understand what's happening. I just wanted to tell you my experience, in hope you'll understand that I know what you're going through and I know what it's like to feel alone."

...

For a moment, all Garcia could do was be still. Her body was locked with the chains of shock and flood of emotion that rendered movement temporarily impossible. While her body was still, her heart was not. Her mind was racing with Reid's confession. She had known he was an addict, and she had known about his struggles, but she realized she had never _known_ in the truest sense of the word. She just assumed, and as always those assumptions had her emotionally tossed out on the street.

"Reid. I'm sorry. I didn't realize what you were going through." She stared apologetically at the young genius who was holding his chin in his hands and staring at the table.

He glanced up at her and shook his head. "Well that's my point. I didn't _want_ anyone to know about my pain. I thought if I kept to myself, I could keep it under control and hurt anyone else with it. I've known how you've felt about Morgan for a while now." He added carefully, knowing where he would go next with this conversation was dangerous ground for the tech.

A flame sparked in Garcia before she could rein it in, but before she could protest the couple was interrupted.

"I'm sorry for the wait, is there anything I can get you two?" A young waitress asked, not realizing the situation she had just walked in on or diffused.

Garcia stared at her dumbly, rage lost. "Uh...no thanks. I'm fine."

She nodded with a sweet smile and turned to Reid, who immediately ordered some water. It was only until her eyes swept the table that she caught sight of the needle and her sweet smile froze. For a moment there was an awkward silence and then blinking rapidly, she looked at Garcia and Reid.

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

...

As Penelope and Reid came out of the elevator at the BAU they were bursting with laughter. The tension was gone and a new understanding had settled between them. The reforged bond and acknowledgement of secrets shared seemed to lighten the couple of their individual burdens. The stunned waitress, however, was their new focus of laughter.

They came into the bullpen drawing stares, both brimming with tears.

"Did you see her face, Reid?" Garcia laughed again and her shoulders shook with renewed laughter.

Reid nodded and grinned. "She looked like we were injecting heroin between our toes right there at the table! Hah!"

They stumbled their way to Reid's desk, and by this time, Emily was staring at them like they had been carted off to the loony bin.

"What...What did you guys do?" She asked hesitantly, her wide brown eyes wary of her two teammates. "And do I want to know?"

After stifling his laughter and the tinge of embarrassment produced by Emily's curious gaze he was able to explain. "Garcia and I were...asked to leave the premises of a café due to..." he briefly baffled for a word in which Garcia took over.

"Let's just say Reid decided...to expose his... toy and forgot to cover it before the waitress returned." Her words made Reid flush with color and he shook his head rapidly.

"Oh no you don't. You make me sound like some kind of... of... creepy sex offender! It was not like that!" he said to Emily, pleading his innocence, but it was too late, the situation was out of hand, and soon Reid's adventures as a sex offender would circulate the office.

Garcia laughed, enjoying the look of horror that reflected in Reid and Emily's eyes. "Oh yes, big boy. It's too late to deny it. By now everybody in a fifteen feet radius has heard our little chat and soon rumors of you exposing yourself will be circulating throughout the bull room." She said this last part with pleasure as she began to walk from towards her office, "And that is what you get when you get the Goddess of All Knowing thrown out of her favorite coffee café. Enjoy the rest of the day my loves, may good fortune and scandal follow you everywhere!"

Reid was left in stunned silence as he watched Garcia's retreating form and tried staunchly to ignore the laughter slowly pealing itself from Emily, who now had her head down in her arms on her desk trying to shut in the sound.

"Did I just hear my baby girl say you exposed yourself, Reid?" A dangerously soft, yet growling voice said behind him.

A new sinking feeling entered Reid's stomach, but he thought, at least she accepted his gift and his advice.

...

** Nothing too much to say here, except I hope you enjoyed it, sorry for the wait. All I can say is school sucks, don't ever take AP courses without also taking a lunch period unless you hope for suicide, which is where I am now.**

**Also, I do not own the characters or show criminal minds. I just own my desire for a Morgan and Pen ROMANCE!  
**

...


	8. Chapter 8

**Previously:**

**Reid was left in stunned silence as he watched Garcia's retreating form and tried staunchly to ignore the laughter slowly pealing itself from Emily, who now had her head down in her arms on her desk trying to shut in the sound. **

"**Did I just hear my baby girl say you exposed yourself, Reid?" A dangerously soft, yet growling voice said behind him.**

**A new sinking feeling entered Reid's stomach, but he thought, at least she accepted his gift and his advice.**

**...**

The giggles in Garcia finally subsided enough for her to regain clarity of the surroundings of her office. It felt good to laugh. It felt as if she had not laughed in a long time, and maybe she had, but if so, it was not a long or sincere enough laugh to have left an imprint. As Garcia settled in her favorite office chair and booted up her babies she smiled at the box Reid had given her. It was comforting to know at least one person understood her isolation, her pain. Reid was a good kid, and not for the first time, Garcia wished she would fall in love with a man like Reid, instead of one like...

She cut herself off before finishing the thought. She couldn't help what she couldn't control, but Garcia did know she could control herself. She would recover from Morgan's rejection, just like she did every time. Garcia turned her attention to the screen of her computer, thinking of ways to distract herself. However, her genius level mind drew a blank. There was no current mission, and Garcia had long since refrained from online games that allowed for a cyber portal into her system.

"So what to do, little mama?" She whispered to herself. For a moment she wished she could sleep, but she hadn't been doing too much of that lately. Nightmares were becoming the bane of her nocturnal existence.

Finally, she settled on her favorite stress reliever. Code. She had intended to write new search programs that would enable her to narrow down the suspect pool, but had never found the time. Until now.

A pair of special agents was walking down the hallway towards Garcia's office. The pair had returned from their usual coffee break and was used to taking this route back towards their desks. Ignorantly unaware that Garcia's office was anything besides a janitors closet, they chatted and joked loudly. It was only until the furious music of keyboard taps interrupted did they fall silent and stared at her door as if they had never noticed it before.

"Who do you think works there?" One asked the other.

The other shrugged. "From the music made by those taps, I would say it was a genius."

...

A knock on her office door jarred Garcia from her sleep. She could almost feel herself curse. She hadn't slept normally in weeks, and now when she was finally getting some shut eye, someone wanted to bother her. If she was fully awake she would have hit something, but alas, she was still half asleep and her anger had not kicked in when Derek walked through her door.

Derek could literally feel his heart soften at the sight of Garcia roused from sleep. Her brown eyes were hazy and hair a little awry. She looked sweet, and he wondered if she would look like that everytime he woke her up in his bed, or made love to her. The look in her eyes made his heart ache at the same time. She radiated exhaustion and the need to be tucked into bed for a couple of weeks sleep.

"Were you sleeping, Garcia?" He asked softly, not wanting to startle her into hostility, though he was a little unnerved to see her sleeping in her office.

She looked at him and nodded, and sighed. "Yeah...I just finished with this program I was writing..." Her voice fell away and for the first time she looked sheepish. "I was just laying my head down to rest for a minute...I didn't think I would actually fall asleep."

Morgan would normally ask what would keep her up so late, but he wasn't sure he could face her saying it was their problems with each other. Had he said so, she probably would have yelled at him for being an arrogant jerk, which he had been, and made an excuse. He didn't care to hear either of those. He just wanted his baby girl to get some good sleep.

"Come on, Garcia. I'll take you home." He held out his hand for her and watched as a wary look came into her eyes. He was starting to really hate that look.

Garcia shook her head. "It's alright—"

"Penelope, I'm not going to fight with you, okay? I just want to get you home where you can rest."

She shook her head again, obstinate. "Look, you don't have to act like we're friends again okay? I can take care of myself." A hard edge of anger had entered her voice and Morgan dropped his hand.

"You're right. We don't have to act like we're friends because we are friends." He said roughly, "I've messed things up between us Garcia, I know that. That doesn't mean that we can't try and make it right. I'm not gonna fight with you, but you're tired. I can see that. Too tired to drive yourself home safely. Please let me be your friend, baby girl and take care of you."

Garcia was silent for awhile, her throat burning with unshed tears, but she was so tired. Exhaustion had filtered through her body until her bones were almost too heavy to lift. Giving a resigned sigh she nodded.

"Okay. Please, Morgan, take me home."

She took his outstretched hand, and didn't flinch when he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry baby girl. I'm so sorry." He leaned back and lifted a few wayward auburn tendrils form her face. "Now on the way home, you can tell me all about Reid exposing himself or whatever he did at the café."

She giggled, "Didn't he tell you?"

He shrugged, "He found something to occupy himself at the moment, I was going to interrogate him. Little runt." He added with a chuckle.

It shamed her to feel her heart soften, but she couldn't help it. She had loved this man at one time. He was her closest friend and her heart seemed to welcome him at every turn.

But as he slipped her out of the BAU, she wondered if her mind would welcome him again too.

...

**Short, I know, but I would rather give you guys short then make you wait months and months like my normal horrible habit. I hope you guys enjoyed it. I felt it was time to have a little Morgan and Garcia confrontation. I know, I know, it was downright underhanded of me to have Garcia all tired and exhausted and unable to defend herself from Morgan's delectable wiles...but my creative license says I can do that so XP! Don't worry, more coming shortly! And maybe I won't use such underhanded tactics in the future...**

**Haha. Not. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Alright, so here is another review. I think its kinda short wise just because the damn sentences are so stretched out due to the layout of the site but on Word...it is 5 pages ladies and gentlemen. 5! That's a whole essay...speaking of essays, I have two that I should be working on but instead I have devoted my time to this! So enjoy, remember, I do NOT own this series or the characters but if I did...ho ho ho... I would NOT be spending my free time writing about it. **

**I know its brief and it doesn't really progress through the plot too much, but I like taking my writing one day at a time. **_**Literally.**_

**Enjoy! **

Morgan led Garcia out of the building without hearing a sound of protest. Several times he glanced over at her to make sure she was alright, and every time the exhaustion in her eyes stung him. It was only when she maneuvered her to his car did she finally voice protest.

"What? Where are we going-"

He smiled down at her. "I told you. I'm driving you home. In my car." He saw her wind up to protest and he stopped her with a touch to her shoulder, "I can drive you back to work in the morning to pick up your car."

He could see that she wanted to fight him, and it stung that she didn't want to do something as simple as get in his car with him. This would be an uphill battle.

"Come on, baby girl. I'm not going to hurt you."

The look he flashed him said she believed otherwise, but she chose to keep quiet and continue following him until they entered his car and they began the silent drive home.

...

By the time Morgan pulled up to Garcia's small apartment building, she was fast asleep. He sat for a moment in his seat without making a sound. He noted the dark circles under her eyes and the loss of weight that showed in her gaunt face. Her long black eyelashes gently whispered over her high cheek bones that were framed by her wavy deep red hair that emphasized her creamy skin. He wondered why she had colored it from her normal blond.

He jerked his face away before he could touch her and whispered a brief, rare prayer as he told himself his observations were just that, and it stemmed from the lack of contact and opportunity to be around her. When he had calmed his racing brain, he turned toward her and gently nudged her awake.

"Penelope," he whispered as she stirred and watched as she opened her eyes. "We're home."

Instead of a sigh of relief, Garcia turned her head around in a confused haze before plopping back into the seat and shutting her eyes again.

"What are you talking about? I don't live here." She muttered sleepily.

His head snapped to her. "You moved?"

She stiffened, now fully aware of the situation, before she nodded in the sudden silence and refused to meet his gaze. "I couldn't...after I was shot..." she shook her head. "It was too hard moving on with the memories. I had to leave."

When there was nothing but silence, Garcia went red with shame. "I'm sorry. I should have told you before you drove out this way." She whispered.

Morgan shook his head, reining in his anger. "It's not that Garcia. I should have been known you had moved. I should have been there for you if you were having trouble coping with things. I was—am—your friend. I should have been there for you."

The guilt in his voice softened her and she gave him a small smile. "Shoulda woulda coulda, aint that what they say handsome?" she teased.

He nodded absently, appreciating her attempt to lighten the mood, but the fact remained.

"Who helped you move at least?" He asked.

She shrugged. "Nobody really. My neighbors helped me put most of the heavy stuff into the truck. I took care of the rest when I got to my new place."

Morgan stifled a curse. He was pissed he didn't know about this and even more pissed she didn't tell or ask anyone from the team to help her move. However much he wanted to dwell on her omission, he ignored it and exhaled a deep breath, praying his frustration would go with it.

"Alright. How about I just take you to my place and you can stay there for the night." He suggested and was not surprised when she voiced protest.

"No, really thanks. I can call a cab to my place. I need clothes and we have work tomorrow-"

"I kept your things." He interjected as he pulled away from her forgotten apartment.

The car was again swallowed up with silence. He stared at her as they waited for the green light. She didn't look at him, only the road ahead of them. He could read nothing on her face.

"You did?"

He nodded, relieved she had spoken words that did not hold recrimination. "Yeah. For all my will I couldn't get rid of your spare bedroom. I couldn't throw anything away. I didn't want to. I know it will be a little uncomfortable, but I promise not to argue with you. Just let me get you home."

Garcia was quiet again, and didn't offer any argument as he began the way to his house. She had never dreamed she would travel this way again. She thought she would was well and truly rid of this experience.

"Alright Morgan, we can fight about this later."

...

He was relieved and shocked she had acquiesced so quickly, and made no delay in driving her to his home. In a bittersweet moment, he realized that no amount of nudging would reawaken Garcia, and he was forced to carry her fireman style into his house, acutely aware that she was light in his arms as if she had lost weight. The fantasies of newlyweds did not go unheard in his mind as he carried her over his threshold and to upstairs to bed. He had left everything intact, and felt an unnecessary sense of happiness to see Garcia splayed out on her bed. He realized after a moment that she would probably not feel comfortable sleeping in her work clothes and high heels, but even less with him putting her in her nightgown.

Instead, he settled on a compromise. He removed her shoes and jacket and left the rest of her clothes on. It worried him that she barely stirred to his ministrations.

"Baby Girl, I have seen you pull obnoxiously long hours and still go home cheerful and light." He murmured in the dark. "Why are you so drained now?"

Quietly, he padded out of her bedroom, giving one last glance to her sleeping form, before passing out into darkness the moment before his head his hit pillow.

...

Garcia awoke in the middle of the night to a sound outside of her bedroom. For a moment she was disoriented and her palms began to sweat in response to fear. Where was she? It was dark and hard to make out the...was that Minnie Mouse wall paper? Garcia sat up, alert, but still dazed. She was exhausted and perhaps that was why it took her a few minutes to remember she was in _Morgan's_ house...in her _bedroom_ that _he_ made for her.

Another sound akin to breaking dishes and swift curse had Garcia throwing back her covers and searching for a weapon. She didn't know if that was Morgan out there or someone else but she was not taking the chance of getting caught unaware. Frantically she grabbed a heart shaped Disney vase and stepped through the open doorway. Quickly scanning the hallway and finding the lights off and the area clear, Garcia padded silently towards the disturbance.

With the vase raised and her adrenaline pumping in her ears, Garcia made the final steps towards the kitchen...

Only to be knocked on the floor by a heavy body.

...

A piercing scream had Morgan shooting up from his bed with a gun in his hand and racing for Garcia.

"Garcia! What's going on?" He shouted as he ran down the hallway towards a strange growling sound.

"Derek Morgan! Get your damn dog off of me this minute before I zap your credit score into oblivion!" She screeched as she rolled on the floor trying to escape the weight of Clooney and his persistent licking of her face.

With an exhalation of relief, Morgan set the gun on the counter and started to laugh. His laughter only increased as Garcia shot him a death glare.

"Are you laughing at me you son of—"

"Now now. Be nice, baby girl. I was just getting some comic relief after your ear piercing banshee shriek shook me from my sleep." He chastised with a heart stopping grin. "Clooney. Down. Right now." He ordered his golden retriever, who happily padded away from Garcia to nuzzle Morgan's palm.

Garcia, now free from the weight, stared at the remains of the vase and sighed. "I loved that vase." She muttered to herself, thinking of the day Morgan brought it back for her from a mission in Nevada. He said he found it in an old vintage shop on the outskirts of Vegas and thought of her immediately.

Suddenly, she felt Morgan's warm hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry mamma, I'll buy you a new vase."

Garcia sighed, wishing he understood her and realizing he probably didn't even remember the day he brought it back for her. He probably didn't remember a lot of the memories she had of their friendship. And wasn't that just peachy.

"It's not the vase Morgan..." She responded quietly and found herself staring up at him, wishing for a moment she wasn't the tuba player and he wasn't the hot stopping quarterback who broke all the ladies' hearts.

Morgan sucked in a breath at the look she gave him. Her warm brown eyes were alight with sadness and desire, and it was a look that he had no idea what to do with. Her words bothered him. He knew how much she loved that vase and he remembered her lighting up the room when she realized she had been thought of and soaked up his care like a cactus in need of a rain. He would always remember that look...just like he would always remember the heated yet resigned look she gave him now.

Without meaning to or even trying to hold himself back, Morgan placed a soft kiss on her crown. It was barely a whisper of a kiss, but he knew it was enough.

"I know baby girl, I know. It's the memories." He whispered against her hair as she came into his arms without a word of protest.

"It will always be the memories."

Quietly, with Clooney following his trail, Morgan led Garcia into his bedroom, silently promising to hold her through the night and protect her from her fears...

If not their memories.

**Like? I like. I should probably **_**stop**_** being a spur of the moment writer and actually **_**plan**_** this stuff out and then actually update on a legit **_**reasonable**_** schedule but then...the world would fall apart for me breaking cosmic protocol. Haha. Anyway, read and review please. Tell me what you think, what you hate (don't verbally eviscerate me but do your thing), and any suggestions. Like I said spur of the moment writer here and I won't know the ending until you do. Seriously, **_**that's how bad I am**_**. Lol. **


	10. Chapter 10

_**Previously on Not Anymore:**_

_Without meaning to or even trying to hold himself back, Morgan placed a soft kiss on her crown. It was barely a whisper of a kiss, but he knew it was enough._

"_I know baby girl, I know. It's the memories." He whispered against her hair as she came into his arms without a word of protest. _

"_It will always be the memories." _

_Quietly, with Clooney following his trail, Morgan led Garcia into his bedroom, silently promising to hold her through the night and protect her from her fears..._

_If not their memories. _

**...**

Morgan stared at Garcia as she made herself her morning coffee while simultaneously avoiding his gaze. She was trying to distance herself from him, and he did not like it. He was fighting himself to keep quiet and not force her to look at him or acknowledge his presence. The reminder that they both needed time was a mantra in his head, albeit a fruitless one. Still, he contented himself with watching her flit about his kitchen. The morning sunlight streamed through the small window above the kitchen, creating a halo around her red auburn hair and lighting up her pale skin. She looked whimsical, peaceful almost, and had it not been for the fact that Morgan had held her while she slept through nightmares last night, he would have believed she truly was at peace.

Too bad he didn't.

"Would you please stop that?" Her quiet voice cut through his reverie of his former friend.

His dark eyes jerked up to meet hers for the first time that morning.

"Stop what?" he asked, confusion wrinkling his brow. As far as he was aware he hadn't done anything so far to annoy her.

Garcia let out an exasperated sigh as she added sugar to her coffee. "You're staring at me. I don't like it." She told him simply and began to stir the coffee in her bright pink cup.

Morgan chuckled, forcing himself to keep his voice light. "You don't? Baby girl, I think I'm insulted. If my memory serves me correctly you used to love it when I looked at you."

Garcia blushed, avoiding his gaze again. _You are absolutely right, but that was before you shoved me out of your life and made me realize how much of a fool I had made of myself pining over you._ She thought darkly, annoyed he would make a joke out of how she felt.

Morgan frowned when he realized she didn't take his comment lightly. Was she ashamed of those memories they shared? He wondered. The very thought made him grind his teeth in betrayal. He had hoped that this morning would be one of peace and a slow reunion of their friendship, but if she wanted to be bitter over a simple look he was fine with having their fight happen sooner rather than later.

"I apologize, baby girl. I didn't think looking at you would bother you so much." He grumbled, taking a sip of his coffee.

Garcia's annoyance shot up another notch. Her heart couldn't take much more of those cute pet names he kept showering on her. It made her feel angry, hurt, and dirty for him to call her baby girl. She wasn't that to him, despite his incessant repeating otherwise.

A thick, heavy silence reigned between them, ruining the light mood the morning had brought with them. Finally, Morgan sighed as he realized it was no use to be angry with her and brood. The only way to repair their rocky road was to do some talking and not avoid it.

"Baby girl, are we going to talk about last night?" He whispered, silently observing how she stiffened at her nickname.

Garcia was silent for a moment as she continued to stir her coffee. "There isn't really anything to talk about. I was tired. You drove me to your house. Clooney scared the crap out of me and jumped all over me and then you took me to bed. To sleep." She emphasized that last part with a minute trace of bitterness. It hadn't occurred to her before that moment that she had probably wanted more.

Morgan took a slow sip of his coffee. "Okay. The fact that you let me hold you all night in my bed is definitely not something that needs to be addressed." He drawled. "Nor do we need to address the fact that we have been avoiding each other for weeks, hurting each other incessantly, you slapped me in a bar, you want a damn transfer, or that we are both standing in front of a tattered friendship that used to be as strong as steel." His voice rose a little at the last part and their gazes clashed.

Garcia said nothing, and Morgan sighed in exasperation. He was determined to get her to talk to him, but she was obviously just as determined to avoid that. Fine, he decided, he would table the discussion for later. Instead, he was going to approach a different, yet potentially equally sensitive subject.

"Penelope, why are you so tired all the time?" He asked and smiled in amusement as she jerked her head up, a surprised look on her face.

For a second she had nothing to say and grappled with what she should tell him. As she stared at him for a moment she realized that it was probably best to tell him the truth. He had that particular look in his eyes that told her he was not going to let this conversation drop.

"I uh...I've just been working a lot...and with all the stress from the cases...I've just not been sleeping well." She hedged and knew by the narrowing of his eyes that he expected the details.

"We haven't had that many cases. Are you still doing victim counseling or something?" He prodded gently.

She nodded, praying this conversation would stay neutral. "Yeah...plus with all these budget cuts, technical analysts are limited and so I've been helping other teams."

Morgan scowled. "You've been assigned to other teams? Since when? I haven't been notified of that." The anger in his tone made her annoyance level rise.

"Well that isn't my fault, besides these teams aren't teams like you all...there...sorta like..." she paused as she grappled for an appropriate term, "they are like mobile cell teams. Whenever something bad pops up in an area, they are activated and are sent to deal with the problem on site. Red cells, I think they are called. Anyway, its just because BAU teams such as you all's aren't equipped to respond to every single case and some of them aren't necessarily serial murderers." She explained.

Morgan frowned and was silent for a moment, taking it all in. Now that she mentioned it, he had recalled picking up some conversation about these new cells that would be on the go all the time and ready to immediately respond in order to help ease the burden of other teams. It just bothered him that Garcia was working with someone other than him and that it was causing her to be overworked.

"Are you sure you should be doing something like this, baby girl? Not that you aren't equipped, but I just don't want to see you worked into the ground." He said.

Garcia shrugged. "Who else is going to do it? I have to help where I can...besides, I like being busy." She lied.

At that Morgan chuckled, "As if, baby girl. You hate being busy. You prefer eating ice cream and having fun to dealing with gore and you know it."

Garcia was suddenly annoyed that he still believed he knew her or that he believed he still had the right to call her pet names. She wasn't that person.

"Baby girl?" Morgan interjected into her thoughts, concerned he had said something wrong as she suddenly went into deep thought.

"Would you stop calling me that?" She snapped, sick to death of the constant reminder he was giving her. "I'm not that person to you. Not anymore." She mumbled, refusing to acknowledge his speech. "My name is Penelope Garcia."

Morgan stood, fire lighting his brown eyes, angry that a simple conversation had suddenly taken such a quick downturn. "I know your damned name, Penelope. You do not have to tell me twice." He sighed, praying for patience. "Why the hell are you making this so difficult Pen? I know I messed up and I've handled our friendship badly, but I'm trying to fix it here and I don't understand why you are so hell bent on not letting me do that!"

Garcia gritted her teeth. "You think its that easy Morgan? That you can just realize how much of a jerk you've been and waltz back in and swoop me off my feet to be your _friend_ again?"

"No, I realize this type of thing takes time, but hell baby girl, it doesn't matter how much time I have if you won't let my foot in the door." He responded. He was tired of talking about this. He wanted his friend back and he thought he had made that clear.

Garcia felt her eyes get hot with unshed tears and she cursed herself not to cry. This was too important to show how weak she really was inside for him.

"I asked you stop calling me that. I'm not your baby girl." She whispered, staring at the swirls in her coffee, its color reminder her of the man before her and all the appropriate nicknames she showered on him.

This time, Derek didn't deny himself. Moving around the island that separated them, he gathered up Garcia in his arms, kissing her crown of auburn.

"Yes, Garcia, you are. I know I've done a bang up job of showing that but please don't ever think that you are anything but my baby girl or my best friend. I should never have pushed you away like that or made you feel you were anything less than important than me. I was caught up and I'm so sorry for that, but we're friends Garcia. Friends. And that means something to me." He said as he pulled away to stare into eyes that were wrought with pain and wet with tears.

Garcia pulled away from his arms then, needing space between them so she could breathe. Friends. Of course that was what they were. God forbid he see her as anything but the heavy tuba player computer geek with no love life and no chance of being worth his time. Garcia's jaw ached with the force with which she clenched it shut, but it was that or scream at Morgan and she had had enough of that game.

"Garcia?" Morgan's concerned voice drew her back to the present and she forced herself to cool down and take a step back.

"I'm going to take a shower. I'm assuming my clothes are still in the drawers?" She asked, schooling her features to be blank.

For a moment, Derek was thrown off guard by her expression before he nodded. It was clear that she was not going to yield to him about this. He just couldn't figure out why. The hurt in her face made his chest ache, but he had no way to figure out what was causing her hurt beyond the fact that it was him.

"Garcia, you can't run from this forever." He told her as she turned to walk out of the room.

His words stopped her cold and she said the only thing she could. The truth. "I love you, Derek Morgan. There is no running from what that does to me."

Without a backward glance or further explanation, she left him alone in the kitchen with their coffee cups still full and cold.

...

Morgan sat down heavily on his favorite couch, mulling Garcia's words. He was guilty and deserved her anger, but why had she said those words? A part of him was relieved that she still loved him, but the thought that those feelings had become an inescapable burden to Garcia ruined that pleasure. The fact that she was hurting because of her feelings for him only hardened his resolve. He knew for sure was that he loved Garcia and wanted their relationship to be repaired. He would do anything to keep from her hurting again or running from him. In truth, he loved Garcia more than any person he had ever met outside of his family. She was an explosive combination of fire and tenderness. He didn't forget who he came to when a case was too bad for the nightmares or who he shared movie nights with. The night he told her he loved her, he meant it. Though now he was beginning to wonder if his love, and hers too, reached beyond the boundaries of friendship.

He was not a clueless man. He readily acknowledged there was an intense chemistry between them that had been kept at bay with the harmless teasing. Morgan was also very aware of his attraction and rising need for Garcia, and before he had met Tamara and Garcia had entered into a relationship with Lynch, he had been considering on acting on it. He cursed himself for not acting sooner, realizing that was his first mistake. Letting their friendship go on in the way it had would have never worked. Eventually, he would have hurt Garcia or she would have moved on, as was the case now.

He was interrupted from his thoughts when Garcia reentered the living room, dressed in a simple navy blue dress that hit her at her knee and red pumps. Suddenly, Morgan noticed something he had missed the night before.

"You've lost weight." He blurted, immediately feeling like an awkward school boy ruining his first conversation with a girl.

Suprisingly, Garcia did not get annoyed at his comment. Instead she chuckled, though it brushed on bitterness. "Yep. I'm a little ol' size 10 now. What an accomplishment!" she cheered sarcastically. In truth she didn't like the fact that she had lost weight, not really. It was the product of too little sleep, not enough eating, and the ever constant stress. Most people would enjoy this side effect, but Penelope Garcia had never been ashamed of her curves.

Morgan shrugged. "I think you look good."

She snorted. "Of course you do." This time there was no mistaking the bitterness and Morgan couldn't help but bristle.

"Hey now. I'm not as shallow as you think." He argued as he approached her from where he was sitting on the couch. "I've never thought there was anything wrong with the way you look. But if you want me to admit how I really feel—"

"Oh please do. The suspense is killing me." Garcia interjected teasingly.

"I love your curves. I have always loved how curvy you are, how different you are from other women. It was nice being close to someone who didn't talk about the need to lose weight or fit in."

Garcia stiffened as she stared into his handsome face, mulling over his sincerity. The jaded part of her told her he was just feeding her a line to make up for their argument in the kitchen, but the part that used to be his friend, a part she had long thought too weak to speak, told her he was sincere...and that scared her more than anything.

"Garcia, a man can get a little wounded with you flitting away from the conversation the way you do." A heart stopping smile graced his face as he brought Garcia back to the present. "You know it's alright for me to pay you a compliment. It's not as if I intend to snatch it back."

Garcia said nothing to him. What was there for her to say? Little by little he was showing her how much he wanted their friendship to be repaired, but it only made the battle with herself that much more painful. A part of her wanted to yield to him and return to their normal routine, but another wanted more and was tired of being second and taking second best. She wanted to be loved, but didn't think Morgan would ever be offering the type of love she craved.

And didn't that just suck.

...

**I have never updated this quickly, I'm commending myself. Lol. Anyway, I know it doesn't progress to far into the plot but its almost over! Three or four chapters and we'll reach the conclusion for my favorite tv pair. I hope you are enjoying this folks. I write for you...and for me because I still don't know what happens yet and my curiosity demands me to satisfy it! Love ya'll. Read and Review please!**

**Ps- The red cell thing is from the new criminal minds series, I thought I should put it in there sooner just for explanatory and background reasons. Don't get mad! **


	11. Chapter 11

Morgan stole another glance at the silent woman seated beside him as he drove her to her house. She had yet to say one word besides to ask why he was not taking her back to her car. After he explained that he wanted to spend the day with her before he dropped her off to her car she just nodded and only spoke to tell him where to go. Frankly, it bothered him that she seemed to retreat every time he would try and coax her out of her shell. But what other option did he have? Ignoring the issue clearly did more damage than he had thought.

"If you think any harder, steam is going to start shooting from those ears of yours." The huskiness of her voice made his body tense up and smile at her.

"Maybe it's just your hotness over there heating me up." He chuckled, refusing to admit that she had caught him a few thoughts away from him throwing up his hands in frustration.

The side of Penelope's mouth quirked up and she shrugged. "I'm sure that isn't helping either. Turn left here. Last one on the right." She added and they turned on to a quiet street with only a few houses sprinkled on both sides and no sign of children playing.

The house they turned into was a small two story, two bedrooms with a frog making up the second story was Morgan's guess. The lawn was decently sized with an oak tree a little ways off to the side and the grass was rich and green and freshly cut. The outside was plain red and brown brick, and the door was black with gold numbering designating Penelope's house number. Morgan could see two large windows to the right of the door, with deep mahogany red shutters and white lace curtains hanging behind the wood blinds. There were only three small brick steps that led to the front porch, which had rose bushes planted in front of it that hid the brick. The porch was also equipped with a rocking chair that made Morgan immediately picture Penelope curled up on it with a book and cup of coffee in the mornings.

Morgan turned to Garcia with a tender smile that made her hope he didn't see her catch a breath. "Your house is beautiful Garcia, it suits you more than I expected." He said and she could only smile back.

"Thank you. It's peaceful here and as private as I need it." She looked around at her closest neighbor's house, which was about 50 meters away. "Most of my neighbors have kids, but most of them are toddlers so they don't play around in the street too often. My closest neighbor there is an ex Navy Seal, who retired and got married a few years ago. They let me come over every now and again and let me watch their little daughter Maggie."

Morgan wondered if the fact that her neighbors were closer and ex-military made Garcia feel safe was the true reason she chose this place instead of a small private apartment that was her usual style.

Without another word, Garcia led Morgan into her home, where Morgan was faced with another surprise.

Unlike her previous apartment, Garcia's house lacked the outrageous décor. Instead, her usual flamboyant style had been toned down. The front door opened immediately into a small hallway that had stairs leading to the next floor to the left, a path to kitchen straight ahead, and a doorway to a quaint living room on the right. Garcia led him into the living room where he took an immediate stock of its appearance. The walls were bright lavender, and the couch and loveseat were both cream and plush. There was a bright patterned knit blanket thrown across the arm of the coach. Morgan how often Garcia drew that blanket under her chin after falling onto the couch after a long day of work. Then he noticed Garcia's antique movie projector on her coffee table that sat beside a vase of bright yellow roses and a laptop. There were also two full bookcases on either side of a brick faced fire place that the couch and loveseat faced.

...

There was a heavy knocking at the door pulled Garcia from her thoughts, and both her and Morgan turned to the door with confusion on their faces. Though the knocking did not repeat, both could feel that there was still someone on the other side.

"Are you expecting anybody, Penelope?" Morgan asked, eyeing her with intense curiosity.

Garcia shrugged off the look and the question and walked to the door. "No, as a matter of fact, I am not. It's probably a Girl Scout crew or something, "she said as she pulled open the door with a fake smile already plastered on to greet whoever was at her door.

Morgan watched with amusement then concern as her smile froze on her face as she stared at whoever was at the door.

"I can assure you, darling, that I am not the girl scouts." A deeply masculine voice said with amusement and a southern drawl.

Morgan stepped into the doorway where Garcia was still standing stock still, and stared at the bartender that was hitting on Garcia a couple of nights ago. That man was now holding a badge and Penelope's picture.

As Garcia stared at the badge in shock, she came to an understanding of the identity of the man before her.

"You are the one who caught me," she whispered and watched as the man's smile widened.

Morgan's eyes drifted between Garcia and the man at the door. If what she said was correct, than this agent was the man responsible for capturing Garcia and forcing her into the BAU.

He didn't know whether he should thank him for bringing his baby girl in his life, or smashing his face in.

"Yes, Penelope Garcia, you are correct. I am your handler, and I am here to pull you out."

He locked stares with the mysterious agent, whose smile did not falter in the least. Yeah, they both knew Derek Morgan was more inclined to the latter.

...


End file.
